is blood thicker than water?

Don't text me and complain about me not keeping in contact with you when you don't keep in contact with me either. Family is a strong word. The bond between family is supposed to be strong too but you all proved that to be wrong. Ever since daddy passed away you were all there for me but I knew it was a matter of time until it all fell apart. I tried texting but I got no replies. So I do admit I haven't made an effort anymore but that's because I was getting ignored or one word texts back. Do you know how much it hurts? And for someone to go from my best friend, brothers girlfriend, nephews mother to a stranger is heart breaking. You say it's all my fault. But its you too you know! I'm sorry to you all that I'm not the perfect person. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect grand daughter, niece, cousin, sister, aunt but you're all the same since a year ago.

Every little thing.

I'm sat here listening to songs, thinking of you and how things used to be. I was going through our pictures and in every single one, I can remember that moment. What I was feeling inside, what we were doing and what was being said. I remember the way you would say some thing and how I would laugh. I remember the way your hands felt when you would hold mine to dance. I remember how your hugs felt and how soft but tight you would hold me, as if you never wanted to let me go ever again. I remember the way you would smile, and the corners of your mouth curved up. I remember every joke you had told me and how you told me. I remember how I would feel when you come into my room and sat on my bed talking to me, mostly about nothing. I remember how lovely your dinners would taste, even if I wasn't hungry. I remember listening to you sing and play guitar, and how great at them both you were. I remember how I loved having a strong daughter, father bond with you. I wish you were still here, because I miss you so much and I need you. I need all this all over again.

Time flies, I fly.

Just 7 more weeks until I'll be back in Sunny New Zealand in the Summer time. I can't wait to be standing on NZ ground again and seeing my friends and family. Time just can't go quick enough!

Mixed emotions.

You break up with me for your ex, and stop talking to me completely. You guys break up and you start talking to me straight away. I knew what you were doing, but went along with it. Wasn't stringing you along or anything, I just liked talking as friends. But tonight you took our talking to a whole new level. Saying "Summer, what you would you say if I told you I miss you? I wanted to say it for a while now."  I'm sorry love, but the clocks have turned and time has changed. You did the breaking up and you say you regret it, but I'm happy being single and being me. And I'm moving back to the other side of the world. I know we're two hours away from each other now, but being the other side of the world in a relationship with you? Hahaha, I don't think so. Friends is good.

The grass is greener on the other side.

I can't believe that I'm about to make another big move in my life. I don't look at it stepping backwards, I look at it as stepping forward. I'm moving back to New Zealand. I applied for a course and I'll get a job. I'll be with my mummy, little brother and family. And I'll get to see all my friends again. I'll be back in the sun and going to the beach, driving and laughing. I really can't wait to go back!

An old love.

I was sat looking at all our pictures, letters and mails. Do you know I had a dream about you last night? It made me miss you. I just want to see you. Not to be together again. Just to see you one more time while I can.

I hope she gives you herpes.

I can't wait to come back to Midleton, and go out and look hot, be with my new guy and watch your face turn white while your jaw hit the floor and your girlfriend goes green with jealousy. Seriously.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I had my eye on you before I left Midleton. Now we talk more and I like it. I can't wait to come back to Midleton to party, and see you.

Forever alone.

It doesn't matter how many friends I have, or where I am, I always feel alone. Because it's times like this when I need someone, no one is around.

Karma is a cunt!

I loose every boyfriend I have. Every guy I care about, leaves me. Then they become happy again with someone else while I'm sat at home thinking about them. Go fuck yourselves.

You'll be dead.

Well, I swear to fuck, if I hear about you and her tonight, or see pictures of you and her tonight, I will kill you. I'll be like Liam Neeson. Goodluck.

I thought 2012 was going to be a great year. Yeah I was having bad days where I was having no luck at all. But it all got worse. I lost my Daddy, I lost my best friends, I lost my boyfriend, I lost my family, I lost my job, I get kicked out of the house I'm living in, I've already moved three times in the last three months. No 18 year old girl should have to through all this, not at once.

Lost at sea.

I once had everything I wanted. Then my best friend, my Daddy, died and I got thrown into the deep end to learn to do everything for myself, to grow up. I had to my life together and sort out what I was doing. I don't want to move back to New Zealand cause I have too much here. But having no where to live or no job was hard. I got a job and moved into my Godmothers house. Now she's telling me I have three weeks to move out and get my own house. It all hit me at once. I don't have my Daddy to help me with getting a house. I have to do it all by myself. I have to plan out my money to live on. But I did it in one day. I found a house that I can afford and that is nice. It's exciting stuff but it's scary too. I never thought I'd have to grow up this fast at once.

We haven't been together long, but I like you. You keep me happy, and you do what you can for me. I hope I keep you happy too. Because the smile on your face is really cute. ;)

Sweet dreams, sleep tight. I love you lots and miss you more every day. Rest in peace Daddy.

I thought I had the most wonderful two best friends in the world. I trusted them more than I ever trusted anyone else. I told them secrets I haven't told anyone else. I stuck up for them when no one else would. Because that's what best friends do. But as soon as my dad dies, they leave me. They complain to me about not contacting them. But yet it works the other way too, doesn't it? I never hear off them. I never get invited to what they're doing. They don't even tell me my own brother is down for the weekend and I have to find out by my step-mum the day after. Thanks guys. I'm sick of your shit. you two have become into two faced bitches.

I've been getting told a lot lately that I've lost a lot of weight and that I'm looking skinny. I've been getting asked a lot if I go to the gym because I have a "nice" body. Now I wouldn't say I'm skinny or have a "nice" body, not calling myself fat either. But thanks for the compliments. Haha.

You two were my best friends ever. I thought nothing could tear us apart. Yeah we had little bitches at each other every now and then, but we still stuck together and laughed about it five minutes later. We were supposed to be there for each other when time got hard. But when my Daddy died, you two disappeared. Tough times really do show who your true friends are. I don't hear off either of you and you both complain you don't hear off me? You guys really do have some cheek.

Good luck.

I'm just loooooving life.

Nails done.

Jeans brought.

Professor Green ticket booked.

Great weekend planned.

Moving into my own house.

I think I have a great life, and that's all that matters. :D

And I miss you.

Three months is coming up on Saturday. You're birthday is coming up next Friday. I'm really missing you Daddy. Come back and hug me. I'll hug you back. I love you. I hope you're sleeping tight. xx