I've done a lot of damage here already. To one person. I need to leave and go back home. This time, I'm not calling it running away.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
You were right to break up with me. I'm sorry. I can't keep you happy how you want me too. You know you're not the only person on my mind all the time. You know my heart is still with someone else, but you still try make it work with me. I don't deserve you, really, I don't. I don't know why I'm still here. But I guess I'm good at running away from too many things that I have to stay and watch the pain being injected to my veins. I'm too scared. I have trust issue's from the last two guys I've been with, so don't take it personally. I'mm too scared. You say you're falling for me. We've known each other for not even a month yet and you're saying that. I don't even want to fall in love again. It involves trust. And that's just something I can't do. I have to learn to trust someone. I just can't walk up to someone, kiss them, say I trust them and love them. That's not how it works! I'm sorry but you're moving too fast for me. I do like you, you're a lovely guy. I just can't handle this anymore.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
From the first moment I met you, I never once thought that we would become a couple. I never thought I would call you mine, kiss you and hug you until we became weak. But I got you and we had this. In those 9 months I never thought that I would be without you again. Now I sit here and watch you from the other side of the world while you're with another girl. A girl I used to call a friend. You had to wait until I got out of the country and you were back with her. You say it's my fault for letting you go? Fucking hell, did you know how much pain you caused me? Lying to me and arguing with me every fucking day. I got told rumors about you and I chose to believe you. But then, then she came along again. Asked you to help her paint her shed, asked you to hang out. She said it was so you don't go off and fuck another girl. But really, that girl was her. You were texting her, getting closer and closer by the day. She stayed at your house. I couldn't handle it any more so I had to let you go. Yes, I started talking to another guy but nothing was going to happen. Until I saw you and her were in a relationship now. So I deleted you. Blocked you from my life and moved on. Yes, me and him are together now and he's a wonderful guy & I like him. But doesn't mean I don't love you any more and the pain has gone away.