Thursday, March 25, 2010

i found you.

i did it. i found that one guy i can count on to keep me happy. i found you, you, you.

believe who?

i'm going to bring a lie detector to school and get the truth. find out who's bullshitting and making this situation worse than it needs to be. i don't want to loose you, but it's hard to not listen to everything i'm getting told by different people. it's really hard to choose who to believe. i just want to leave it and let it fade away.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


so who runs things in this house? not you. so stop acting all bos and grow the fuck up. you say i can't do things, rohan can't do things, you even say mum can't do some things. it's pathetic. you don't own us. you can't do shit. you make me do the dishes every night. you make me do all your chores so you can sit and look at your porn shit and have a fat wank over it. it's disgusting. you're fat. you eat so sickly i could throw up. sitting next to you while you eat is off putting. you breathe so heavily and literally "dive-in" to your food. you look at me and all my friends. that's the closest you are ever going to get close to young girls. you fuck me off. stop being lazy. stop acting hard. stop being pathetic and fucking leave this family alone.

24th of march, 2010.

walking from travel and tourism to maths i see Raegan run towards me with you. i was kind of nervous, yes. Raegan spoke to me. all conversations ended. i was about to go to class. you turned to Raegan and asked how to do it. i stood there wondering what on earth do you want to do? the very words came out of your mouth "summer? peace?" i smiled and we ran 40cm for a hug. the biggest hug i've ever had. i cried. i waited so long for that moment. it wasn't the sorry i was looking for, but you still did it. thank you. i still love you Samara Wright.

Monday, March 22, 2010

what makes me cry.

i miss the old days. everything was so happy and okay. now it's messed up and i cry a lot. i feel ugly and fat. i feel worthless. i feel lonely. i'm sick of it. i want to change myself. one way or another. i just wish i could, honestly.


i want to be pretty. i want to take good photos. i want to have a happy life. i want to be able to talk to people. i want to say what i want to everyone. i want to live in another house. i want the latest clothes and shoes. i want parents who care for me. i want to be near my dad so i can say goodbye to him. i want a lot of things. but i don't think i will get them any time soon.

Friday, March 19, 2010

your life.

it's not what i've done this time, it's what you've done. you have your boyfriend at school. he hangs with us at school. it's always us three. but is it really? it feels like it's just you two and i'm invisable. i mean, i put up with it for you. because you're my best friend. but i'm sick of it. and you know damn right well that i hate being third-wheel.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

let's start something amazing.

so after them 5 months, those few weeks of texting, and a few nights spent together, you are finally mine. i'm older than you, by a year and two months. but i don't care. you're mine, and you make me happy and that's all that matters. you're the one i want. and i don't care what people have to say. i'm going to stick up for what i want for once.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

the beginning.

addiction dance party, moutn sports centre, 12th march, 8pm open. this was what i put the most effort into to go. and the reason was, to see you. you were going to be there. i put up a fight with my mum. i got grounded for the rest of the weekend. i stood in the cold for two hours, freezing. i ran a mile. i sent thousands of texts. all just to see you. it wasn't the best night with you, but it was still great. and i loved every moment i spent with you. i can't wait until tomorrow. until we're on our own.


it was 10 o'clock and youth had just finished. you walked me home to make sure i got ther safely. i wanted to walk you back just so you could walk me back again and we could repeat that for the whole night. i didn't want it to end. it was the most specail moment with you. because that was the first time we had really spoken to each other. i felt free with you. i felt i could tell you anything. i felt like my head was in the clouds and my feet were floating off the ground. it was amazing, as are you.

too good to be true.

you were a friend. some one who came into my life when i needed someone the most. you came into my life when i needed a hand to get out of the hole i was in. 5 months have gone past quickly. and now you're always on my mind. my smile is caused by you. by inbox is full of texts from you. my saved messages are from you. my 11.11 wishes are for you. my eyes are layed on you. and i'm about to call you mine. i am greatful for getting this chance.

Monday, March 8, 2010

i need you.

i want a guy. one who cares for me. who will look out for me. who can make me laugh and smile until i can't breath no longer. who can have their arms wide open, waiting for me to run into them. who i can cuddle through the night. who i can say nice stuff about. who will say they adore me. who will kiss me whenever they feel like. who i can call mine. who i can open up to and trust. who i can take out with me and show every one he is mine. who will be proud of me. who will let me wear their jersey if i'm cold. who will walk one thousand miles to see me. who will let me hang with me friends. who wont ditch me everytime we make plans, but who will go can with their friends too. who can be happy with our relationship. who can be true. who i can be true to. someone like you.


we got called sisters on the bus. people think we're twins. we have a friendship like sisters. you're the greatest. thank you for every thing. i love you Raegan.