I'm sat here listening to songs, thinking of you and how things used to be. I was going through our pictures and in every single one, I can remember that moment. What I was feeling inside, what we were doing and what was being said. I remember the way you would say some thing and how I would laugh. I remember the way your hands felt when you would hold mine to dance. I remember how your hugs felt and how soft but tight you would hold me, as if you never wanted to let me go ever again. I remember the way you would smile, and the corners of your mouth curved up. I remember every joke you had told me and how you told me. I remember how I would feel when you come into my room and sat on my bed talking to me, mostly about nothing. I remember how lovely your dinners would taste, even if I wasn't hungry. I remember listening to you sing and play guitar, and how great at them both you were. I remember how I loved having a strong daughter, father bond with you. I wish you were still here, because I miss you so much and I need you. I need all this all over again.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
You break up with me for your ex, and stop talking to me completely. You guys break up and you start talking to me straight away. I knew what you were doing, but went along with it. Wasn't stringing you along or anything, I just liked talking as friends. But tonight you took our talking to a whole new level. Saying "Summer, what you would you say if I told you I miss you? I wanted to say it for a while now." I'm sorry love, but the clocks have turned and time has changed. You did the breaking up and you say you regret it, but I'm happy being single and being me. And I'm moving back to the other side of the world. I know we're two hours away from each other now, but being the other side of the world in a relationship with you? Hahaha, I don't think so. Friends is good.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I can't believe that I'm about to make another big move in my life. I don't look at it stepping backwards, I look at it as stepping forward. I'm moving back to New Zealand. I applied for a course and I'll get a job. I'll be with my mummy, little brother and family. And I'll get to see all my friends again. I'll be back in the sun and going to the beach, driving and laughing. I really can't wait to go back!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I thought 2012 was going to be a great year. Yeah I was having bad days where I was having no luck at all. But it all got worse. I lost my Daddy, I lost my best friends, I lost my boyfriend, I lost my family, I lost my job, I get kicked out of the house I'm living in, I've already moved three times in the last three months. No 18 year old girl should have to through all this, not at once.
Friday, May 11, 2012
I once had everything I wanted. Then my best friend, my Daddy, died and I got thrown into the deep end to learn to do everything for myself, to grow up. I had to my life together and sort out what I was doing. I don't want to move back to New Zealand cause I have too much here. But having no where to live or no job was hard. I got a job and moved into my Godmothers house. Now she's telling me I have three weeks to move out and get my own house. It all hit me at once. I don't have my Daddy to help me with getting a house. I have to do it all by myself. I have to plan out my money to live on. But I did it in one day. I found a house that I can afford and that is nice. It's exciting stuff but it's scary too. I never thought I'd have to grow up this fast at once.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I thought I had the most wonderful two best friends in the world. I trusted them more than I ever trusted anyone else. I told them secrets I haven't told anyone else. I stuck up for them when no one else would. Because that's what best friends do. But as soon as my dad dies, they leave me. They complain to me about not contacting them. But yet it works the other way too, doesn't it? I never hear off them. I never get invited to what they're doing. They don't even tell me my own brother is down for the weekend and I have to find out by my step-mum the day after. Thanks guys. I'm sick of your shit. you two have become into two faced bitches.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
I've been getting told a lot lately that I've lost a lot of weight and that I'm looking skinny. I've been getting asked a lot if I go to the gym because I have a "nice" body. Now I wouldn't say I'm skinny or have a "nice" body, not calling myself fat either. But thanks for the compliments. Haha.
Monday, April 30, 2012
You two were my best friends ever. I thought nothing could tear us apart. Yeah we had little bitches at each other every now and then, but we still stuck together and laughed about it five minutes later. We were supposed to be there for each other when time got hard. But when my Daddy died, you two disappeared. Tough times really do show who your true friends are. I don't hear off either of you and you both complain you don't hear off me? You guys really do have some cheek.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The other night I couldn't sleep properly. At 5am I got up, when I came back to my room, I was sat in my bed and I looked at the end of my room and I saw you standing there. In the clothes you are in now, and with the big cheesy smile across your face. I know it's you watching over me, but it's scary. As much as I want you back again, I know I can't see you. Please don't scare me again Daddy. If you're worried that I'll forget what you look like or what you sound like, you don't have to, because I could never forget my favourite man. Never in a million years. I love you.
This is getting so much harder. I miss you so much more every day. The pain gets worse every day. I'm reminded of you by everything. Please come home Daddy?! I miss you so fucking much! You're supposed to be here with us, drinking on Friday's and going down to the meeting place. Sitting in and watching dvds together. Having our big favourite dinners together. (After all, you were the best chef.) But this new life just isn't right for me. I'm used to being with you every day and every night. I know you're watching over me, please make this easier for me?
Monday, April 2, 2012
It's been just over two months that you have been gone and I thought I was okay and doing good. People say as time goes on, things get easier. But it's the other way round. I'm finding it so hard without you now and as time passes by, I get more hurt by it. I feel upset twenty-four seven. I can't even talk to people anymore. I keep to myself. Daddy, help me be myself again, even if it is the hardest thing to do without you.
Friday, March 23, 2012
"OMG! Why are you friends with her?" "Are ye friends?" "Their bff's." "Look at them being friends!" OH MY GOOD GOD! Yes, we are friends. Yes, bad things happened. But you know what? Fuck it. It's my life, I can choose whoever I want as a friend. Just because we're talking, doesn't mean we're "bff's" or chatting every day about everything and telling each other our secrets. Sit down and shut the fuck up, that's what you can do instead of judging like you always do.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
I was your little baby girl. You couldn't have another girl in your life because we had such a bond. You were my rock star. I couldn't have a favourite artist because you had such an amazing voice. You were there for me every time I needed you. The day I woke up and you were gone was my biggest nightmare ever. It still hasn't hit me yet but I'm getting used to the fact that you were taken from us. I want to run home to Ard na Corann and lay on your bed and chat to you for hours listening to music. I want to tell you everything stupid us girls say so you can take the piss out of them. I want to go out to the pub and dance with you. I want to have your chicken curry and rice. I want cuddles from my Daddy. Every girl does. So save your arms for when the day comes for me to go up there, and never let me go. I have my heart wrapped around you. I love you Daddy, and I miss you. My best friend. 27/4/66 - 21/1/12. <3 xxx