Why now?

I come here to just live my life. I've been hurt too many times to care about guys. I heard about you and people tried to set us up, but I said no because you sounded like a great guy and I didn't want to ruin you. But then I met you, you looked cute just standing there on the second step watching over the party and laughing with your friends. We started texting, I'm at your house every day, even though I'm there for Gemma, it's great to see you. You are the nicest and sweetest guy around. I'm scared to let anyone in and so are you, but we let each other in the first night it was just us. We lay down on the couch hugging, talking, you kissed me twice and we carried on talking. You know my secrets, and I know yours. I don't want to get attached to you though. Because you're moving away to England.

I wish I could find fucking happiness. Just for once in my life. Everything fucks up for me all at once. Why am I so bad at life? One big fail. Nice one Summer.

I fucking hate everything about you! I hope you get aids and get fucked up!

wdfhwrth

Nothing ever works out for me any more. Nothing god comes my way. I fucking hate it. I'm sick of life. I just want something good. It's all I ask for! None of this other shit that's been happening!

It's 2011 bitches.

And it's just another day after another day that we celebrate. So stop with all this "it's a new year for a fresh start" shit. Because in all honesty, it doesn't happen.

Get away.

I'm pretty keen to delete my facebook and start all over again. I don't need 1,150 friends that I never talk to. Seeing two past lives on there that I've had, really gets to me and puts me in tears. My old friends from England, said they would keep in touch, never heard from them again until they heard I was coming back. But since I've been back, I haven't heard from them and haven't seen them. My friends from New Zealand, they're too busy in their own lives for me any more. And I can't trust any of them any ways. Even if I wanted too. Do you know what I really want? To go away to my favorite place, in Italy, delete my facebook and start all over again. So my old lives are behind me. And no one can find me.

I'm scared.

So in two weeks, I leave this country, again, to go live with my dad. It's what I've wanted for years and years. I was going to move to his instead of New Zealand, but I was scared to leave my mum. But now I'm back, I've grown up and I'm independent. I'm acting strong and invincible. But really, I'm still scared, a hell of a lot scared! I know it will be the greatest thing I've done for a while, but what if I make stupid mistakes? What if I don't like it there? What if I look like the stupid odd one out? I know I shouldn't be thinking this but I am. All I want to do, is go back to my home in New Zealand and not leave my mum ever again. Even if I have to start over with everything over there. At least I will be home.