Fuck.

I've done a lot of damage here already. To one person. I need to leave and go back home. This time, I'm not calling it running away.

I'm sorry.

You were right to break up with me. I'm sorry. I can't keep you happy how you want me too. You know you're not the only person on my mind all the time. You know my heart is still with someone else, but you still try make it work with me. I don't deserve you, really, I don't. I don't know why I'm still here. But I guess I'm good at running away from too many things that I have to stay and watch the pain being injected to my veins. I'm too scared. I have trust issue's from the last two guys I've been with, so don't take it personally. I'mm too scared. You say you're falling for me. We've known each other for not even a month yet and you're saying that. I don't even want to fall in love again. It involves trust. And that's just something I can't do. I have to learn to trust someone. I just can't walk up to someone, kiss them, say I trust them and love them. That's not how it works! I'm sorry but you're moving too fast for me. I do like you, you're a lovely guy. I just can't handle this anymore.

Once in a life time.

From the first moment I met you, I never once thought that we would become a couple. I never thought I would call you mine, kiss you and hug you until we became weak. But I got you and we had this. In those 9 months I never thought that I would be without you again. Now I sit here and watch you from the other side of the world while you're with another girl. A girl I used to call a friend. You had to wait until I got out of the country and you were back with her. You say it's my fault for letting you go? Fucking hell, did you know how much pain you caused me? Lying to me and arguing with me every fucking day. I got told rumors about you and I chose to believe you. But then, then she came along again. Asked you to help her paint her shed, asked you to hang out. She said it was so you don't go off and fuck another girl. But really, that girl was her. You were texting her, getting closer and closer by the day. She stayed at your house. I couldn't handle it any more so I had to let you go. Yes, I started talking to another guy but nothing was going to happen. Until I saw you and her were in a relationship now. So I deleted you. Blocked you from my life and moved on. Yes, me and him are together now and he's a wonderful guy & I like him. But doesn't mean I don't love you any more and the pain has gone away.

I’m not sure I like you.

I know I’m texting you like I like you. But I’m only doing it to get over Nick. We both know if we get together it will be the perfect come back on Nick and your ex. But it only works if I want to get with you too. You’re supposed to be staying at mine in the holidays but I’m already trying to think of excuses for you not too. Please just give me some time. You seem to clingy already and we’re not even together in any way.

That’s what a good friend is.

We were arguing at the bonfire. I didn’t want to be near you. But some blonde girl found me and asked what was wrong, she went and got you for me and we sorted everything out. I thanked her before we left. Not expecting to see her again. Last weekend I saw her while getting my nails done. She told me that seeing us together made her feel good because she got us together again. I told her what you did and she was shocked. She knew the person who you fucked and you know what? I’m going out with her when I get back from the snow. She’s going to show me your new girl and help me find a new guy to get with. I don’t care how slutty I sound, because I need something to help me get over you. I’m not sticking around and get hurt any longer. Me and her are going to have fun and she’s helping me get over you. Funny thing is, you can’t do anything to stop me anymore because I’m not yours.

Another great weekend gone to waste.

I eventually forgot about you cheating on me. I mean, I still knew it happened, but I had stopped thinking about it. We had three great weekends in a row after that. You said we were getting back on track and nothing could stop us. The weekend just gone, we went shopping together and went to the thanks sale. I brought you a lower jersey to go with your repz top I had brought you. I brought you dinner and lunch. You came with me to get my nails done. I ate sushi for the first time with you. But the day I left, you fucked up everything again. You got a new girl that night and fucked her right there and then when you could. It’s disgusting. You go around and use your dick like it’s the number one thing in Tauranga. Not everyone is going to want you if you keep fucking anyone. You don’t know these girls. I thought you would of learnt from last time. You got an sti but still go around? You’ve got problems, and one day, karma is going to get you good.

This is simply beautiful.